Introduction and Smiles

For the last few years, life has hit hard and at will. But I learned the hard way: I don't have to let it win.

I am a lung cancer survivor. It has been a challenge I can hardly describe in words. In fact, I don't think such words exist.

When the treatment is over, and the oncologyst sends you home and tells you to go live your life, it's not really over. Now your mind starts playing other tricks: "What if it comes back...? How will I know?" It took me almost a year after surgery and treatment, to let go and let life.

There are no lung cancer survivor groups in my hometown. I have some very good professionals and counselors to talk to, but no survivor groups. There's no one who can relate to me on a one to one basis, from a survivor’s point of view. Professionals relate from a different perspective. Everyone else, tells you not to think about it. However, those of us who are going through it, know that forgetting, is not an option.

We know we're lucky to be alive. I know I have developed a different appreciation for every new sunrise I get to witness. I'm sure other will say the same. But we're also aware of how brief the interlude between birth and death can be. Yet, there's something to be said about that. In a roundabout way, we've rediscoverd childhood and suddenly remember playing outside until dark -- what a thrill. I eat icecream as often as I can get it -- no one here to tell me, I can't. I walk barefooted outside, if I want to, and if people look at me funny, I just smile go on.

Maybe it is getting dark, but I'm not through playing yet. There's always one more rose to smell, one more wild plant to rescue, one more walk with the dog, one more chat with my child. We know it has to finish some day, but not today.

Surviving is a trip. And like when we were kids and something good happened, I can't wait to go tell.

So, how can I reach others and share my thoughts. I haven't succeeded in putting a group together. Then I though: maybe not here, in my hometown, but why not a blog? Why not reach as far as I can?

I've never been a blogger, but then, why no? And why not share in a different way. Like exploring life through poetry. Why not share that? And other things, like growing a balcony garden -- rose bushes and all, or walking a mile a day. And the fact that I'm 65 and counting -- one year and a moth cancer free, and I walk around with a smile on my face.

Carmen :-)